When the News Tears Open an Old Wound
A just-in-time note about trauma, outrage, boundaries, connection, and taking care of your soul when the world feels like too much.
I have been thinking a lot about what has been coming out of Cornell. The text messages. The conversations happening around them. The anger. The disbelief. And for many, something much deeper than anger.
As we have developed Soul Exhaustion & Soul Care, we have learned that there are many life experiences that can contribute to Soul Exhaustion. Trauma is one of the biggest.
We have also learned that world happenings and media exposure can leave us feeling powerless, unsafe, angry, and disconnected from ourselves. And sometimes the news does not just upset us, it tears something open.
What is happening around Cornell is another reminder of the inequity and unfairness built into a culture we have learned how to navigate day after day. We continue to learn what to avoid, what to tolerate, when to speak, and sometimes when it feels safer not to. Then something happens that reminds us just how much of that is still there.
For many, this lands much closer to home. If you have experienced sexual assault, sexual abuse, domestic violence, or other gender-based violence, this may not feel like “a story in the news.” It may feel like somebody just ripped the Band-Aid off something you have spent years learning how to live with, and that raw, exposed feeling can be disturbing in your day-to-day life, to say the least.
You Are Allowed to Feel Whatever You Feel
I am never going to tell you not to feel your feelings. If you are furious, be furious. If you are scared, acknowledge that you are scared. If you are heartbroken, disgusted, exhausted, or just completely tired of having to hear another story like this, you are allowed to feel that too.
Soul Care is not pretending things do not hurt – aka “toxic positivity.” It is not convincing yourself that everything is fine when everything does not feel fine. Part of being true to yourself is giving yourself permission to have the feelings you actually have and sit with them for a bit.
As you listen to your body in these moments, you may start to ask yourself what to do next.
Maybe Soul Care Looks Like Fighting Back
For some people, the answer is activism. Sometimes the way we reconnect with ourselves is by fighting for someone else in exactly the ways we once needed someone to fight for us. I also know, personally, that activism can be deeply meaningful and deeply soul-exhausting. So if fighting is what brings you closer to yourself right now, fight.
But please build Soul Care around the fight. You do not have to destroy yourself in order to prove that you care.
Maybe Soul Care Looks Like Finding Your People
One of the most powerful forms of Soul Care we have found is social connection. Maybe there is one person in your life who understands because they have lived something similar. Maybe it is a friend you have known forever. Maybe it is a peer-support group. Maybe it is a survivor community. Maybe it is a formal support organization. Sometimes healing begins with being around people who do not require you to explain why something hurts. There is tremendous power in hearing, “Me too. I understand.”
And Maybe Soul Care Means Turning the Damn News Off
This one can be hard. Those of us who care deeply about people can convince ourselves that we have some moral obligation to keep watching. We call it staying informed. Sometimes we are really just repeatedly exposing ourselves to something that hurts. There is a difference between being informed and being immersed.
I know what happened. I know what is being said about what happened. I know enough to understand why I am angry. I do not need to consume every article, every comment section, every video, every argument, and every new piece of information in order to prove that I care, and neither do you.
You are allowed to set a boundary. You are allowed to take a break. You are allowed to find quiet. You are even allowed to bury your head in the sand for a little while if that is what your nervous system needs.
This reaction does not make you a bad citizen. It does not mean you do not care. It means you are paying attention to yourself, too.
Many of us are already exhausted, and nothing good comes from being so consumed by something happening in the world that you cannot sleep, or function, or you become angry at every man you encounter. There comes a point when more exposure is not helping anyone.
If this has Opened Something Bigger, Please Pay Attention to That
Sometimes a story like this does not simply remind us of what happened. It brings us right back there. If you are really activated right now, please know that it is never too late to consider trauma treatment. It does not matter whether what happened was six months ago, decades ago, or when you were too young to remember every detail.
You do not have to decide that because you survived it, you are supposed to be finished with it. You are allowed to get help now, and go back for help again and again, as many times as you want. And needing support because something reopened an old wound does not erase all the healing you have already done.
Today, Soul Care Might Be Very Simple
As I recorded the thoughts that became this newsletter, I was taking my dogs for a hike because that was what I needed.
Not another news story. Not another argument. I needed trees, dogs, fresh air, movement, and quiet. Your version may look completely different.
Maybe you call somebody. Maybe you fight. Maybe you cry. Maybe you go to therapy. Maybe you turn off your phone and watch absolute garbage television for three hours. Maybe you take your dog into the woods.
The question is simply: What helps you stay connected to who you are while the world around you is trying very hard to pull you away from yourself?
Give yourself permission to do some of that today.
— Sarah
If You Need Support: RAINN
If the Cornell coverage or conversations surrounding sexual violence have brought up your own experiences, RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) offers confidential support through the National Sexual Assault Hotline.
• Call: 800-656-HOPE (4673)
• Text: HOPE to 64673
• Online: https://hotline.rainn.org/
• Learn more: https://www.rainn.org/
And if what you are feeling is telling you that an old wound needs more than a break from the news, consider reaching out to a trauma-informed mental health professional. There is no deadline for healing.
