Gratitude as Soul Care

I have always had a complicated relationship with the concept of gratitude.

Too many times, I have heard the well-meaning advice: “Just find gratitude.” And too often, it has been offered in ways that felt dismissive, minimizing, or invalidating. I know I am luckier than most in many ways. But that has never meant I am immune from pain, sadness, anger, or heartbreak.

We are complicated creatures, and we are capable of holding multiple emotions at once.

Over time, I’ve come to believe that when gratitude is offered flippantly, it doesn’t just harm the person who needed space to be heard — it also harms the concept of gratitude itself. Because gratitude, when practiced authentically, is not about bypassing pain. It is not about pretending things are fine. And it is certainly not about silencing grief or fear.

For me, gratitude only became meaningful when I stopped trying to perform it and allowed it to emerge naturally — alongside everything else I was feeling.

I can be sad and grateful at the same time. In fact, when I remind myself — not when others remind me — of all that I have to be grateful for, it often helps place my sadness into a gentler, more spacious perspective.

And let’s be honest: we are still living through a hard time for many. Lately, I have felt this especially through the communities I hold close. I am honored to be part of the Blue Star community — families of active-duty service members — and in recent months, I’ve found myself absorbing the very real fear and uncertainty so many families are carrying. It began to affect me more than I expected.

So here is what I did.

First, I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling. I let myself be sad and worried for my community. I didn’t try to rush past it or fix it.

Then, when I felt ready, I shifted toward meaning-making — another form of Soul Care. I created a simple graphic to share with my community. It was a small gesture, but it said what I needed it to say: I see you. I know you are suffering. And what you are feeling is normal.

If I am being honest with you, I was getting pretty worn down myself. I was taking my own advice and avoiding social media, but I couldn’t seem to pull myself away from the news — even though I knew it wasn’t helping.

Eventually, I had to create some boundaries — another important Soul Care practice. I limited how much news I allowed myself to watch and told loved ones that I wasn’t going to discuss current events for a while. Everyone has their own thoughts and feelings, and honestly, I wasn’t seeing much good come from those conversations.

I’m not saying this is the right path for everyone. But when my emotions were running high, it was the right path for me.

And then — almost by accident — I found my way back to gratitude.

I was drafting email lists for an upcoming event and began thinking about the people in my life: personal connections, professional colleagues, friends, and supporters who consistently show up with kindness and encouragement. The list kept growing and growing and growing until I finally stopped typing and simply looked at it.

Even in difficult times, I realized how many extraordinary people I have had the privilege of knowing — many of them because of this work and this community.

That was the moment gratitude felt real again.

Not forced.
Not performative.
Not corrective.

Just… present.

So here is a small invitation for you: make a list of people you know — people you have had the privilege of working with, living near, learning from, or simply crossing paths with. They don’t have to be your closest friends. They just have to be someone who makes you smile when you think of them.

Then do the next thing.

Send the text.
Write the message.
Make the call.
Schedule the lunch.

When you do, you will be practicing two forms of Soul Care at once: gratitude and connection.

You can thank me later.

xoxox